My mother was fond of saying, often in moments of exasperation, “wait ‘till you have kids of your own.” She was not wishing me any ill will. I am quite sure she didn’t mean, “I hope your kids treat you the same way you’re treating me.” I’m sure of it. It is only in retrospect, however, that I can even begin to feel her pain. I have kids of my own. They are good kids. They are a challenge. They have not even come close to the challenge that my siblings and I presented my parents. Different issues to be sure, but if only measuring magnitude, they’re miles apart.
Having said all that, my 18 year-old son is presenting me with challenges. I can hear my mom saying… It’s not the same though. Oh sure, the timing could not have been worse. When this most recent “emergency” popped up, I was in the middle of writing a term paper at the Sac State library when the phone call came. I was on a roll and quite likely would have completed it in the next two or three hours. It’s not done yet – the library is open tomorrow and the paper is due on Monday morning. Barring any more emergencies, it will be done. That solves one issue – the easy one – for my son, however, there are no easy answers.
His life is stagnant and he is going nowhere. It’s not that he is doing “bad” things; he’s doing nothing. It’s affecting his self-esteem and now his attitude. He’s pissed off much of the time and guess whose fault it is? He is starting to act out in ways that I cannot condone and currently we are at an impasse that could very well leave him homeless. It has come to a point where I want to help him – indeed, to make up for my past indiscretions… the poor decisions I made in my life that directly affected him. Unfortunately I can’t do some things for him, no matter how much I want to.
I am left with a choice that is the last thing I can do to help him but will not be viewed by him in the short term, if ever as anything more than his dad just messing his life up more. We’ll see what happens… all I know right now is that the “wait and see what happens” strategy I’ve been using is showing signs of wear. I had hoped he would get bored and do something. It is obviously not working and once again I am left with the conclusion that I can’t do it for him. Here is the humbling part: As bad as things are between my son and me, it hardly measures on the scale compared to the severity and length of the problems my own parents faced with me.
Dear Mom and Dad,
I am once again presented with an opportunity to reflect on my past and how it affected those whom I love and love me. I cannot even begin to express how sorry I am for my part of the chaos I caused in your lives. I am only getting to experience a mere pittance of what I put you through an honestly – I don’t know how you did it. I know I can’t just say “sorry” and make it all go away, but hopefully knowing that I acknowledge my part of the chaos and that, ultimately, your efforts were not in vain is of some value to you. I am truly sorry. As far as Timmy is concerned, don’t worry too much. It’s going to be OK. He has to walk his path and find his way just as I did mine. He’s a good boy.
Love,
Mike
Saturday, April 29, 2006
Thursday, April 27, 2006
The 'Ayes" Have It
Respectfully stolen from Kate, who stole it from Magpie, who stole it from Ms Mac.
I AM: an aspiring writer.
I WANT: to make a difference.
I WISH: that tolerance was the norm.
I HATE: that I waited so long.
I MISS: my childhood.
I FEAR: that I am not understood.
I HEAR: too much and not enough.
I WONDER: if the people of the world will ever get along.
I REGRET: hurting those who love me.
I AM NOT: a bad person (and neither are you).
I DANCE: very rarely.
I SING: ...define singing. ;-')
I CRY: almost never. ;-'(
I AM NOT ALWAYS: thoughtful.
I MAKE: mistakes.
I WRITE: the truth, always.
I CONFUSE: myself.
I NEED: to finish school and get a job.
I SHOULD: be ok.
I START: over again often.
I FINISH: when I die.
I AM: an aspiring writer.
I WANT: to make a difference.
I WISH: that tolerance was the norm.
I HATE: that I waited so long.
I MISS: my childhood.
I FEAR: that I am not understood.
I HEAR: too much and not enough.
I WONDER: if the people of the world will ever get along.
I REGRET: hurting those who love me.
I AM NOT: a bad person (and neither are you).
I DANCE: very rarely.
I SING: ...define singing. ;-')
I CRY: almost never. ;-'(
I AM NOT ALWAYS: thoughtful.
I MAKE: mistakes.
I WRITE: the truth, always.
I CONFUSE: myself.
I NEED: to finish school and get a job.
I SHOULD: be ok.
I START: over again often.
I FINISH: when I die.
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Just Another Feel Good, Glass Half-Full, Happy, Go Lucky, Positive, It's a Great Day To Be Alive, Smilin' To Myself, Upbeat Post
Dear readers, friends, family, passerby, lurkers, stalkers, wanderers, seekers of knowledge, holders of truth and countrymen – and anyone else who happened to stumble upon this page –
I write today from the California State University, Sacramento library on a glorious spring day. I am not actually in the library proper, but in the open-air breezeway that is at the entrance to this monolith of the collected knowledge of mankind. A brand-spankin’ new Java City just opened here and the sitting area they added to the breezeway is where you’ll find your intrepid wordsmith this fine afternoon. The temperature is expected to reach 80 degrees today, but at just past midday, it’s an¨ über-pleasant 70 degrees or so.
It has been brought to my attention that I have not posted anything new in several days. Although I knew this to be true, I didn’t think anyone really noticed. Not believing that my words are anticipated or even missed is perhaps partially responsible for my lack of motivation. It is an irrational thought and an attitude that has not pervaded my psyche in a very long time, but like a weed, it was inevitable that it would pop up again somewhere sometime.
That is not the whole story. Like anything in life, a multitude of factors, both interrelated and completely isolated, come into play to deliver me at any one particular moment. Other obvious considerations include; the winding up of another semester with all the attendant pressure associated with it; the changing of the seasons with the gloom of an over-extended winter finally coming to an end; the 33 day (and still counting) absence of my long-time companion and confidant, nicotine; and oddly enough, a strange sort of complacency with success. Those old familiar feelings of not enough and not fast enough have made slight inroads. Perhaps there is a chink in my armor.
The most effective weapon in my arsenal against self-destruction is self-awareness and the most efficient path to it lately has been these very words. Writing, specifically blogging, has been my salvation… my ace-in-the-hole. It has been working to change my perspective in the recent past and, viewed in retrospect, it always has. It is doing its thing right now as my fingers dance off the keys of my iBook. It’s almost as if I am a concert pianist, the flow I feel when my words come spilling out through this conduit. (Interestingly enough, I have very few typos when in this mode).
Just as curious, it is when I become somewhat “down” that my desire to explore diminishes. It’s almost as if I don’t want to know why. Hold on: I need to be perfectly clear here. I was not exactly depressed or even all that “down,” but I was, however, heading in that direction. This time, at least, I have been able to stop the progression dead in its tracks. This is a new revelation for me, for real. I just now discovered - again (I know… I not too bright sometimes!) how important the daily maintenance of staying connected is.
My MO has always been “to go there.” I mean, I get immersed in and wallow in the self-pitying, poor-me, nobody understands and (my personal favorite) “you don’t care about me, so why should I?”... Oh, yes – I go there! But for the last almost two years it has not been so and the results are obvious – just read my archives. The question was and still remains – why? I am understanding the “how” part more and more everyday – I know what has been working and more importantly I know how to figure out what works for me today. Knowing and doing, however, are not the same thing.
Though my hiatus had a duration of only four days, it has been four days (actually, a little longer) in which I have not been my usual positive self. I have been just a little “off.” That is not to say that I have been “negative,” but rather coasting – not applying much enthusiasm – consciously or perhaps subconsciously choosing to be reactive rather than responsive… indeed, at the edge and looking down. The down escalator analogy applies for me; if I stop moving forward, I’m moving backwards. It’s got everything to do with attitude and perspective. Mine just needed some minor tweaking; it wasn’t in need of a complete overhaul…
This time. I had not slid very far back on that escalator. I was still, out of habit more than anything else, doing the “things” that needed doing. My schoolwork, my housework and other regularly scheduled external activities that have to take place on a recurring basis got done, but it was mechanical, almost robotic. I was just going through the motions and not really connected to what I was doing. I was in fact heading towards corrective action and thankfully, because it occurred relatively sooner than later, that action was of my choosing.
Now re-aligned and in synch with the powers that be, the synergy present is undeniable; it’s palpable, it’s thick and it’s deep. Ready or not, here I come…
I write today from the California State University, Sacramento library on a glorious spring day. I am not actually in the library proper, but in the open-air breezeway that is at the entrance to this monolith of the collected knowledge of mankind. A brand-spankin’ new Java City just opened here and the sitting area they added to the breezeway is where you’ll find your intrepid wordsmith this fine afternoon. The temperature is expected to reach 80 degrees today, but at just past midday, it’s an¨ über-pleasant 70 degrees or so.
It has been brought to my attention that I have not posted anything new in several days. Although I knew this to be true, I didn’t think anyone really noticed. Not believing that my words are anticipated or even missed is perhaps partially responsible for my lack of motivation. It is an irrational thought and an attitude that has not pervaded my psyche in a very long time, but like a weed, it was inevitable that it would pop up again somewhere sometime.
That is not the whole story. Like anything in life, a multitude of factors, both interrelated and completely isolated, come into play to deliver me at any one particular moment. Other obvious considerations include; the winding up of another semester with all the attendant pressure associated with it; the changing of the seasons with the gloom of an over-extended winter finally coming to an end; the 33 day (and still counting) absence of my long-time companion and confidant, nicotine; and oddly enough, a strange sort of complacency with success. Those old familiar feelings of not enough and not fast enough have made slight inroads. Perhaps there is a chink in my armor.
The most effective weapon in my arsenal against self-destruction is self-awareness and the most efficient path to it lately has been these very words. Writing, specifically blogging, has been my salvation… my ace-in-the-hole. It has been working to change my perspective in the recent past and, viewed in retrospect, it always has. It is doing its thing right now as my fingers dance off the keys of my iBook. It’s almost as if I am a concert pianist, the flow I feel when my words come spilling out through this conduit. (Interestingly enough, I have very few typos when in this mode).
Just as curious, it is when I become somewhat “down” that my desire to explore diminishes. It’s almost as if I don’t want to know why. Hold on: I need to be perfectly clear here. I was not exactly depressed or even all that “down,” but I was, however, heading in that direction. This time, at least, I have been able to stop the progression dead in its tracks. This is a new revelation for me, for real. I just now discovered - again (I know… I not too bright sometimes!) how important the daily maintenance of staying connected is.
My MO has always been “to go there.” I mean, I get immersed in and wallow in the self-pitying, poor-me, nobody understands and (my personal favorite) “you don’t care about me, so why should I?”... Oh, yes – I go there! But for the last almost two years it has not been so and the results are obvious – just read my archives. The question was and still remains – why? I am understanding the “how” part more and more everyday – I know what has been working and more importantly I know how to figure out what works for me today. Knowing and doing, however, are not the same thing.
Though my hiatus had a duration of only four days, it has been four days (actually, a little longer) in which I have not been my usual positive self. I have been just a little “off.” That is not to say that I have been “negative,” but rather coasting – not applying much enthusiasm – consciously or perhaps subconsciously choosing to be reactive rather than responsive… indeed, at the edge and looking down. The down escalator analogy applies for me; if I stop moving forward, I’m moving backwards. It’s got everything to do with attitude and perspective. Mine just needed some minor tweaking; it wasn’t in need of a complete overhaul…
This time. I had not slid very far back on that escalator. I was still, out of habit more than anything else, doing the “things” that needed doing. My schoolwork, my housework and other regularly scheduled external activities that have to take place on a recurring basis got done, but it was mechanical, almost robotic. I was just going through the motions and not really connected to what I was doing. I was in fact heading towards corrective action and thankfully, because it occurred relatively sooner than later, that action was of my choosing.
Now re-aligned and in synch with the powers that be, the synergy present is undeniable; it’s palpable, it’s thick and it’s deep. Ready or not, here I come…
Saturday, April 22, 2006
30 Days
I have been smoke-free now for 30 days. This ties the second longest period of abstinence in the last year and a half or two years. The record is one day short of two months, so I'm just over half-way there. Since about the two-week mark, it has been a much easier journey than the first two weeks. Actually I prolonged that initial discomfort for about one week because I smoked four cigarettes at the end of what would have been the first week. If I had not become sick long enough (36 hours) to make me re-commit to not smoking, I would still be smoking today.
It is odd that for the last two or three days, I have been feeling as though I may have acted somewhat rashly – that perhaps I was a bit too hasty in deciding to quit. Maybe, I am thinking, I just needed a little break and now that I have proven to myself and the world that nicotine doesn’t have a hold of me, I can smoke just one if I want to. Or maybe, I should just quit fighting the urge to smoke and just concede that I am a smoker and accept whatever the consequences may be. After all, I can stop if I really want to, didn’t I just prove that?
Right! Perhaps I should have prefaced all those justifications with “And now, a few words from our sponsor…” One is too many. How easily I forget. I know I can’t stop anytime I want, I have proven it over and over again. I have what I consider to be a pretty good run of non-smoking going on. I sure don’t want to have to do it all over again. It is crucial that I don’t get complacent and underestimate the power of nicotine. I have to remember what it was like at the end and not the “good times.” That almost sounds crazy now that I read it: “Yes, the good old days… lighting up a smoke and letting the good times roll!” It sounds like a cheesy Winston advertisement.
It isn’t logical. If it were, nobody would smoke. Nicotine may be the most addictive substance known to man - more so than any of the illegal street drugs. All I can do is take it one day at a time. So far, I am working on the 31st day in a row and I am glad that the nicotine did not talk me into giving up today. It will try again tomorrow, but I am re-energized for battle now, it won’t even come close. It is, however, very patient. It will wait for an opportunity. My job? To make sure that opportunity doesn’t come knocking.
It is odd that for the last two or three days, I have been feeling as though I may have acted somewhat rashly – that perhaps I was a bit too hasty in deciding to quit. Maybe, I am thinking, I just needed a little break and now that I have proven to myself and the world that nicotine doesn’t have a hold of me, I can smoke just one if I want to. Or maybe, I should just quit fighting the urge to smoke and just concede that I am a smoker and accept whatever the consequences may be. After all, I can stop if I really want to, didn’t I just prove that?
Right! Perhaps I should have prefaced all those justifications with “And now, a few words from our sponsor…” One is too many. How easily I forget. I know I can’t stop anytime I want, I have proven it over and over again. I have what I consider to be a pretty good run of non-smoking going on. I sure don’t want to have to do it all over again. It is crucial that I don’t get complacent and underestimate the power of nicotine. I have to remember what it was like at the end and not the “good times.” That almost sounds crazy now that I read it: “Yes, the good old days… lighting up a smoke and letting the good times roll!” It sounds like a cheesy Winston advertisement.
It isn’t logical. If it were, nobody would smoke. Nicotine may be the most addictive substance known to man - more so than any of the illegal street drugs. All I can do is take it one day at a time. So far, I am working on the 31st day in a row and I am glad that the nicotine did not talk me into giving up today. It will try again tomorrow, but I am re-energized for battle now, it won’t even come close. It is, however, very patient. It will wait for an opportunity. My job? To make sure that opportunity doesn’t come knocking.
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Smell the Roses
It’s 5:28 a.m., Tuesday morning. This is a little early for me, especially considering that I’ve been awake for about 45 minutes and just now decided that I am “up;” my day has begun. It’s time to put on some coffee (no cigarette – it’s been over three weeks without one now!) and get down to the business of the day. It’ll top 70 degrees today and there is no rain forecasted for a few days at least – I have a feature story due in a week, two research papers due in two weeks and finals coming up directly after that. Life is good! Oh yea, I’ve got to get the Harley tuned up too.
Life, my life at least, has this ebb and flow to it. It always has. It certainly isn’t the rollercoaster it once was. It used to be more like a cycle of boom and bust. That things are about to get somewhat hectic for me is better viewed through the filter of the past – my past. Everything is relative and compared to the way things were once upon a time, this is a far more manageable “busy season” than I am accustomed to. And although putting this all into perspective helps immeasurably, that is only part of the story.
Despite the fact that I’ll be extremely busy for the next month or so, it is not haphazardly so. This is all planned; it has been, in detail, since January and generally well before that. I signed up for this, there are no major surprises. Sure, the unexpected has occurred in the recent past and I suspect it will rear its head again, but I have the major stuff squared away. Although there is much in front of me, I have positioned myself to be successful. This is not rocket science – it is really quite simple.
All the same, in a way this “seasonal rush” if you will, caught me a little by surprise. Not off-guard, but in a strange way it kind of snuck up on me. A key change in my everyday life is that I live it as an “everyday” life. That is, I take one day at a time, deal with what is directly in front of me and worry about tomorrow tomorrow. The obvious question is “how is it that I am so ready, so prepared for this next month if I haven’t been worrying about it?” That’s an excellent question and one that deserves an excellent answer. Here goes…
As I stated, the upcoming 30 days or so will be busy. In fact, if I had to do it all today, or tomorrow or even within the next week, it would be overwhelming. I would throw up my hands and say “f*** it!” So how is it that I can live a day at a time and be in sync with a busy month? Easy. Although I have made plans and I obviously have goals, the path to attaining them is just that – a path. I’ll not realize them in one giant step or leap. Indeed, instant gratification only lasts an instant and if I want lasting satisfaction, time is among the primary ingredients to a successful recipe.
Therefore, today I will not do all those things that I have to do in the next four weeks. I can’t. I can, however, call contacts, do research, write… and go to class. In other words, I have a list of things to do today that will bring me to tomorrow. In addition, the things I have on my “to do” list are not just a means to an end – graduation and a degree – but an end in and of themselves. That way I get to have my cake and eat it too. My tasks today are not merely a chore to get the brass ring; they pay dividends all day long. Perhaps this is not instant gratification, but it surely must be at least incremental gratification!
In the final analysis, it is not only possible, but preferable (and for me, required) to have long-term goals and a view of life that revolves around 24 hour segments. If I have my sights set on the end, I tend to be so single minded that I’ll miss all there is along the way. I will not take time to “stop and smell the roses.” Taking life a day at a time gives me the short-term payoff while working toward a long-term goal and a perspective that allows me get excited about every step of the journey. And isn’t that what makes it all worthwhile?
Life, my life at least, has this ebb and flow to it. It always has. It certainly isn’t the rollercoaster it once was. It used to be more like a cycle of boom and bust. That things are about to get somewhat hectic for me is better viewed through the filter of the past – my past. Everything is relative and compared to the way things were once upon a time, this is a far more manageable “busy season” than I am accustomed to. And although putting this all into perspective helps immeasurably, that is only part of the story.
Despite the fact that I’ll be extremely busy for the next month or so, it is not haphazardly so. This is all planned; it has been, in detail, since January and generally well before that. I signed up for this, there are no major surprises. Sure, the unexpected has occurred in the recent past and I suspect it will rear its head again, but I have the major stuff squared away. Although there is much in front of me, I have positioned myself to be successful. This is not rocket science – it is really quite simple.
All the same, in a way this “seasonal rush” if you will, caught me a little by surprise. Not off-guard, but in a strange way it kind of snuck up on me. A key change in my everyday life is that I live it as an “everyday” life. That is, I take one day at a time, deal with what is directly in front of me and worry about tomorrow tomorrow. The obvious question is “how is it that I am so ready, so prepared for this next month if I haven’t been worrying about it?” That’s an excellent question and one that deserves an excellent answer. Here goes…
As I stated, the upcoming 30 days or so will be busy. In fact, if I had to do it all today, or tomorrow or even within the next week, it would be overwhelming. I would throw up my hands and say “f*** it!” So how is it that I can live a day at a time and be in sync with a busy month? Easy. Although I have made plans and I obviously have goals, the path to attaining them is just that – a path. I’ll not realize them in one giant step or leap. Indeed, instant gratification only lasts an instant and if I want lasting satisfaction, time is among the primary ingredients to a successful recipe.
Therefore, today I will not do all those things that I have to do in the next four weeks. I can’t. I can, however, call contacts, do research, write… and go to class. In other words, I have a list of things to do today that will bring me to tomorrow. In addition, the things I have on my “to do” list are not just a means to an end – graduation and a degree – but an end in and of themselves. That way I get to have my cake and eat it too. My tasks today are not merely a chore to get the brass ring; they pay dividends all day long. Perhaps this is not instant gratification, but it surely must be at least incremental gratification!
In the final analysis, it is not only possible, but preferable (and for me, required) to have long-term goals and a view of life that revolves around 24 hour segments. If I have my sights set on the end, I tend to be so single minded that I’ll miss all there is along the way. I will not take time to “stop and smell the roses.” Taking life a day at a time gives me the short-term payoff while working toward a long-term goal and a perspective that allows me get excited about every step of the journey. And isn’t that what makes it all worthwhile?
Monday, April 17, 2006
Was I Talking To You?
Yesterday, while at a meeting of friends and acquaintances that I attend weekly, a friend greeted me with a cordial “happy Easter!” I replied in kind, in much the same way I would wish someone a “merry Christmas.” He then proceeded to enquire how my day was. I responded with “just another Sunday…” My friend, knowing what my religious beliefs (or lack thereof) are, just gave me an understanding smile, knowing that in my world, "just another Sunday" is a pretty darned good day. However, someone else standing in the general vicinity took this as an opportunity to educate me. He said something like this: “This is Easter, the day our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ was resurrected…” There was more and I am paraphrasing… he used the terminology and vernacular that was probably directly quoted from the Bible.
I was not speaking with this gentleman, nor did I know him. Although this group meets in a church, it is not a religious organization by any stretch of the imagination. Those who know me will not be shocked by my response and to those who don’t - I absolutely mean no offense. I said: “That’s what I heard too,” which is of course, true. And I heard it again from him. I continued with, “and it might even be true.” That shut him up.
The facetiousness was intentional, not incidental. That does not, however, take away from the truth of my statements. I get what yesterday meant to this guy. I get what Easter means to Christians in general; I didn’t used to, but I am considerably more open-minded than I used to be. I can understand how a deep belief in something can make it true – for you. What many (certainly not all or even most) Christians don’t get is how in the world Easter and Christmas and the countless other Christian holy days don’t mean anything special to those who do not subscribe to their beliefs.
Furthermore (you knew there had to be a furthermore!), I did not ask what Easter meant. I guess this advocate of Christianity heard in my “just another Sunday” response a cry for help, for understanding - or perhaps I wanted to be saved? Needless to say, not so. Here’s the deal… this is what Easter meant (past tense) to me: When I was a kid, it was about the Easter Bunny, coloring eggs and finding them on Easter morning. When I had young kids, it was about coloring Easter Eggs, the Easter Bunny and hiding the eggs early on Easter morning. Now, it’s just another Sunday. I expect that when I have grandchildren, the ritual will start all over again and I’m fine with that.
The best quality about my spiritual beliefs is that they are unique. I don’t think I could explain it even if I wanted to and I never even try unless asked. That means I am not trying to solicit or recruit followers nor am I promoting my beliefs. Although they work for me, I have no way of knowing if they’ll work for anyone else, but I am happy to try to explain if asked. By the same token, if I ask someone else, then I am listening – genuinely and without any facetious comments. I am not close-minded, I have asked… and listened. However, if you hear me talking to a friend and I happen to mention Easter and I “get it wrong,” please don’t try to educate me, I may be tempted to say something very unspiritual - and neither of us wants that.
I was not speaking with this gentleman, nor did I know him. Although this group meets in a church, it is not a religious organization by any stretch of the imagination. Those who know me will not be shocked by my response and to those who don’t - I absolutely mean no offense. I said: “That’s what I heard too,” which is of course, true. And I heard it again from him. I continued with, “and it might even be true.” That shut him up.
The facetiousness was intentional, not incidental. That does not, however, take away from the truth of my statements. I get what yesterday meant to this guy. I get what Easter means to Christians in general; I didn’t used to, but I am considerably more open-minded than I used to be. I can understand how a deep belief in something can make it true – for you. What many (certainly not all or even most) Christians don’t get is how in the world Easter and Christmas and the countless other Christian holy days don’t mean anything special to those who do not subscribe to their beliefs.
Furthermore (you knew there had to be a furthermore!), I did not ask what Easter meant. I guess this advocate of Christianity heard in my “just another Sunday” response a cry for help, for understanding - or perhaps I wanted to be saved? Needless to say, not so. Here’s the deal… this is what Easter meant (past tense) to me: When I was a kid, it was about the Easter Bunny, coloring eggs and finding them on Easter morning. When I had young kids, it was about coloring Easter Eggs, the Easter Bunny and hiding the eggs early on Easter morning. Now, it’s just another Sunday. I expect that when I have grandchildren, the ritual will start all over again and I’m fine with that.
The best quality about my spiritual beliefs is that they are unique. I don’t think I could explain it even if I wanted to and I never even try unless asked. That means I am not trying to solicit or recruit followers nor am I promoting my beliefs. Although they work for me, I have no way of knowing if they’ll work for anyone else, but I am happy to try to explain if asked. By the same token, if I ask someone else, then I am listening – genuinely and without any facetious comments. I am not close-minded, I have asked… and listened. However, if you hear me talking to a friend and I happen to mention Easter and I “get it wrong,” please don’t try to educate me, I may be tempted to say something very unspiritual - and neither of us wants that.
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