Calling all spiritual gurus, good Christians and all others
who fall into the non-judgmental, forgive everyone, we are all “God’s
children,” everyone deserves another chance, camp. This is a warning - and
maybe a challenge: If you don’t want your belief system rocked, if you
can’t stand any challenge to your world view, if you are so set in your
“spiritual” ways that you cannot be bothered to rethink them or at least defend
them, go away. Do not read any further. Seriously, just don’t do it. Run, do not
walk, to the nearest exit. Go back to your comfortable, head-in-the-sand, don’t
bother me with reality, existence. And have a nice day.
But for those who have a pair, for those who are willing to
engage in actual, reasoned thought regarding their beliefs and their defense of
them, welcome. As my friends all know, I do not adhere to any specific
religion, but I do have a spiritual grounding that is in a constant state of
flux. It morphs regularly as my journey through this life goes here and goes
there. I suppose it’s possible it could one day transition into what is
recognized as some form of organized religion, but I would not hold my breath
waiting – I prefer to think for myself. However, despite my resistance to
organized religion, I am on board with many of the professed tenets of most of
them, essentially the idea that I am here to contribute, I am not to do any
harm and that love is all powerful. I also agree that
forgiveness is important and that all people are equal - to a point. Until something happens to change that.
I also understand, from personal experience, that resentment is poison. These
last points and those similar to them are the ones I struggle with.
And maybe y’all do, too? Lets see…
First, many of you are familiar with my recent past and the
domestic disaster that defined it. For those who are not, the brief recap
is that those who were trusted violated that trust in epic proportions – some
might even say biblical proportions. There were only a handful of people who
had a direct hand in it, but through the social place that the world is, there
are far more mutual “friends” who have been caught in the crossfire. Some of
them have been stuck in the loyal-to-my-friend/but he-is-a-dirt-bag quagmire.
That sucks, but I get loyalty and I totally understand how we can much more
easily forgive a friend for serious transgressions – especially if said
transgressions do not affect us personally. But some of you feel it necessary
to continue to proclaim how “nobody is perfect” and that “you must forgive to
attain freedom” and, my personal favorite, “we must not judge.” This is the
“empathy” you desire from me? I bet it would be a far different response if
your “friend” did to you what he did to me, but lets not make this personal –
lets explode it. Lets make it global.
Have you forgiven Adolf Hitler? How about Mussolini? Too
distant? Okay, how about Osama bin Laden? Can you find it in your heart to
forgive him? Is he one of “God’s children?” Is he just misunderstood and
deserves a second chance (if he was not already dead)? Was he treated unfairly?
How about Jeffrey Dahmer? Charles Manson? Child molesters and woman beaters? Do
you judge them? Does your God? Y’all shaking your heads right now thinking that
I have just taken the argument to a ridiculous extreme. Okay, I'll grant that.
Then tell
me, where do you draw the line. We
can step back from mass murderers, terrorists… what about lesser crimes? How
many “second chances” does one get with you? How many people have to be hurt? Where are
you going to draw the line and to what degree does friendship and loyalty
influence where that line is drawn. Some of y’all want me to find forgiveness,
but really you don’t care about me or how I feel. You just want me to leave
your friend alone. My friends want me to find forgiveness, too, but because
they care about me. Same forgiveness? I think not. And despite what this rant might sound like, I have found a
definition that has allowed me to put it all in perspective and move on. Still a little pissed off? Obviously, but in a good way. But
this is not about me anyway - this is about you spiritual high-roaders,
something I never claimed to be. Many of you chose up sides a long time ago
(despite your claims to “neutrality”). That’s perfectly okay. Friendship loyalty is powerful and can be an asset, but do not expect me to be some spiritual giant when it comes to him.
He is a fucking dirt bag lowlife piece of shit and no matter how “good” or
“spiritual” or loyal his friends are, that will never change. It’s much more
than a judgment; it is a fact. Someday I might leave “poor Jimmy” alone. Today
is not that day.