Having absolutely nothing to do is not so bad. Strange, perhaps a little unsettling, but not bad. It has, however, taken some getting used to. I feel as though, on some level, I am wasting time. Isn’t there something that needs to be done? Sure, there are small chores that could be done, perhaps an odd or an end that should be done, but nothing – absolutely nothing will happen if I don’t do them. And as strange as it sounds, I am not bored.
I read somewhere once that we should take time to be bored – to actually practice it. Although I agree that there is some value in being comfortable with nothing to do, I disagree with the terminology. To me, being bored denotes discomfort; it is not the same thing as simply having nothing to do. Boredom is a state of mind, an uncomfortable one. I am gaining the ability to accept my circumstances no matter what they are, and in that acceptance I find comfort.
Whether I am under stress with too much to do or when I have nothing to do, I am usually content. This is not to say I have mastered the art, just the oddity of this revelation proves I am not in complete acceptance. It is not second nature; it is not automatic. Sometimes it is just there, sometimes not and sometimes, like now, I will stop and take note. It was not so long ago that the enormity of the tasks I had to complete was consuming me – a load that historically would have stopped me in my tracks. Although highly stressed, I was not panicked. I knew what I had to do and did it.
So why shouldn’t I enjoy this time off? There is no reason, of course. After briefly struggling with what I thought I should be doing, I have come to accept that there is nothing, and this is as it should be. Life will return with a vengeance soon enough, and that, too, will be okay. It’s part of the ebb and flow. When life is hectic, though, there is little time to reflect… it’s much easier to accept. Indeed, there is little choice. It is during times like this, when life relaxes its grip, that I feel a little guilt. Isn’t there something I should be doing?
No, and I’m okay with it.