Monday, January 13, 2014

Poor Jimmy

Calling all spiritual gurus, good Christians and all others who fall into the non-judgmental, forgive everyone, we are all “God’s children,” everyone deserves another chance, camp. This is a warning - and maybe a challenge: If you don’t want your belief system rocked, if you can’t stand any challenge to your world view, if you are so set in your “spiritual” ways that you cannot be bothered to rethink them or at least defend them, go away. Do not read any further. Seriously, just don’t do it. Run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. Go back to your comfortable, head-in-the-sand, don’t bother me with reality, existence. And have a nice day.

But for those who have a pair, for those who are willing to engage in actual, reasoned thought regarding their beliefs and their defense of them, welcome. As my friends all know, I do not adhere to any specific religion, but I do have a spiritual grounding that is in a constant state of flux. It morphs regularly as my journey through this life goes here and goes there. I suppose it’s possible it could one day transition into what is recognized as some form of organized religion, but I would not hold my breath waiting – I prefer to think for myself. However, despite my resistance to organized religion, I am on board with many of the professed tenets of most of them, essentially the idea that I am here to contribute, I am not to do any harm and that love is all powerful. I also agree that forgiveness is important and that all people are equal - to a point. Until something happens to change that. I also understand, from personal experience, that resentment is poison. These last points and those similar to them are the ones I struggle with.

And maybe y’all do, too? Lets see…

First, many of you are familiar with my recent past and the domestic disaster that defined it. For those who are not, the brief recap is that those who were trusted violated that trust in epic proportions – some might even say biblical proportions. There were only a handful of people who had a direct hand in it, but through the social place that the world is, there are far more mutual “friends” who have been caught in the crossfire. Some of them have been stuck in the loyal-to-my-friend/but he-is-a-dirt-bag quagmire. That sucks, but I get loyalty and I totally understand how we can much more easily forgive a friend for serious transgressions – especially if said transgressions do not affect us personally. But some of you feel it necessary to continue to proclaim how “nobody is perfect” and that “you must forgive to attain freedom” and, my personal favorite, “we must not judge.” This is the “empathy” you desire from me? I bet it would be a far different response if your “friend” did to you what he did to me, but lets not make this personal – lets explode it. Lets make it global.

Have you forgiven Adolf Hitler? How about Mussolini? Too distant? Okay, how about Osama bin Laden? Can you find it in your heart to forgive him? Is he one of “God’s children?” Is he just misunderstood and deserves a second chance (if he was not already dead)? Was he treated unfairly? How about Jeffrey Dahmer? Charles Manson? Child molesters and woman beaters? Do you judge them? Does your God? Y’all shaking your heads right now thinking that I have just taken the argument to a ridiculous extreme. Okay, I'll grant that. 

Then tell me, where do you draw the line. We can step back from mass murderers, terrorists… what about lesser crimes? How many “second chances” does one get with you? How many people have to be hurt? Where are you going to draw the line and to what degree does friendship and loyalty influence where that line is drawn. Some of y’all want me to find forgiveness, but really you don’t care about me or how I feel. You just want me to leave your friend alone. My friends want me to find forgiveness, too, but because they care about me. Same forgiveness? I think not. And despite what this rant might sound like, I have found a definition that has allowed me to put it all in perspective and move on. Still a little pissed off? Obviously, but in a good way. But this is not about me anyway - this is about you spiritual high-roaders, something I never claimed to be. Many of you chose up sides a long time ago (despite your claims to “neutrality”). That’s perfectly okay.  Friendship loyalty is powerful and can be an asset, but do not expect me to be some spiritual giant when it comes to him. He is a fucking dirt bag lowlife piece of shit and no matter how “good” or “spiritual” or loyal his friends are, that will never change. It’s much more than a judgment; it is a fact. Someday I might leave “poor Jimmy” alone. Today is not that day.

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