8:00 a.m. PDT, Sunday morning. It’s been a brutal weekend so far. Not because of all the rain or because nothing has gone right… Quite the contrary, in one respect at least, all has gone extraordinarily well, but it hasn’t been easy. Since my last post late Friday night, I have been at war and so far winning battle after battle. There have been oh so many battles. I think my strength is growing. Today, I recommit myself to not smoking.
I have received nothing but positive feedback and encouragement since I publicly made my mission known. I deeply appreciate it and that support has helped more than I thought possible. Having said all that, however, this has been my toughest journey into smoke freedom yet. I don’t know why, but I am nowhere near taking this “a day at a time” yet. Sometimes, it’s all I can do to get through the moment.
Perhaps it’s because not smoking is so high on my conscious priority list. In the past when I was unsuccessful after a few days, weeks or months, the urge may have come over me while my guard was down… I was not vigilant to the degree I am today. But that very vigilance forces me to think of not smoking – and consequently – smoking, all the time. It’s a catch 22 that I guess I’ll have to live with for the time being. It seems to be working.
As hard as this has been so far, it obviously is not beyond my ability or my resources. Every tough day won gives me that much more confidence and strength that I can do it again today. Although I hesitate to say it, it is different this time. What that means only time will tell, but so far today, I’m still winning.