Monday, January 12, 2009

Lesson Learned

I am at peace - more so right now than in quite some time. It’s not my locale, although sitting in my backyard with the sun shining and a gentle breeze ringing the wind chimes certainly doesn’t hurt. But the peace I am feeling did not come without cost. There is turmoil in a part of my life. It is not unfamiliar but it is infrequent; alas, I have been here before. And though it is not easy to take the path I must, it is nonetheless the correct one, of that I am sure. My impulse, however, is to fight back and in this case, as with so many others in any number of similar and not so similar situations where the truth is on my side, it is a fight I cannot win.

Being right is a dubious luxury. There is only one truth. It is what is. How does one determine what that is? There are a number of means, but in the big picture most of what we know is what we believe. There Earth is round, but I don’t know that because I went out and measured it. I take it on faith based on the evidence presented that it is so. I am convinced it is the truth. The same goes for almost everything I’ve learned in life. There are other things that I know to be so – or not – because I was there. If I can believe my own recollection of certain events, then I know what is so.

Others, however, can come to completely different beliefs based on the very same events. Just ask any cop who has to interview multiple witnesses to the same crime. There are any number of factors that can influence one’s recollection, proximity being one of them. In this particular instance, I know what I know and that has to be good enough. All I have is my word and I know something about that, too. Whether others believe me based on that is really not my business nor is it my concern. There no way I can prove what I know and, furthermore, I shouldn’t have to.

And that is the hard part. But if experience is worth anything, then I have to be content with the facts as I know them and leave the battle behind. It is unwinnable and even if victorious, there is nothing left to be gained anyway – the damage is done and as far as I’m concerned it is irreversible. Oddly enough, I find serenity in that. I am relieved that this battle, or at least my participation in it, is over. The sun is still shining, a gentle breeze is still making the wind chimes sing… and I am at peace.


Bobkat said...

Are you sure you weren't writing about my life? This is exactly the same revelation I have had recently about a major incident that happened in my life. I know what I know is true and I have accepted that the truth of the other person (and some others) is different and I found peace in that acceptance.

One of my favourite albums is titled "This is my truth, tell me yours" and I feel I finally truly know what that means. I'm glad you have found some peace too.

Snaggle Tooth said...

Deciding on standing by the truth as you know it without inflicting a war over it- is winning!
At least you don't have to be unhappy with your new info ruining things.

Folks at work are always mad that I won't smile n lie to say I'm fine or good, because I'm not. I don't get paid to lie, or work with the public, n have no obligation to lie because I don't ever want to! they all want me to pretend.
I can act, but that's not the stage or why I get paid. Tough if others don't understand-