Acceptance: Just three little syllables that mean so much. Although it is more often associated with getting through difficult times, it has been the case for me recently that I have not accepted the easier times as well. Not just merely being complacent or of its more extreme cousin- arrogant, but almost a boredom with the good times. There was an eerily haunting, backhanded urge to stir something up – to expedite anything because I could not accept the peace that I had worked so hard for. The very same peace that I for so long envied in others was now mine, and it wasn’t enough.
Lack of acceptance – patience – humility – gratitude – all that and more. I had not forgotten how it was or how far I have come, but I was beginning to forget how long - how long it was and how long it took. I was starting to internalize external problems. Why? Perhaps because I did not have any real problems of my own. It has been an ongoing part of my life that nothing worth anything lasts for very long. It was, I am beginning to finally realize, a prophecy I personally fulfilled.
This time I didn’t go there, however, I did take a long hard look in that direction. I’d like to say that, realizing I was turning down a spiritual dead-end, I took action to avert disaster, but that is not exactly the case. I did take action – months ago. The things that I started doing even when I didn’t need to, had become habits. Habits, being habitual in nature, are often performed automatically. These habits include the very things I need to do to add the necessary two or three drops of water back into the glass to make it again half-full.